The Foremen’s Report

Senior Foreman: age 4

Junior Foreman: age 2

Supervisor: age 0

It’s been a busy seven days. We’ve counted them.

Day one

There’s a bright yellow van. Really bright yellow. We’re quite excited about the yellow.

Some men are in our garden putting lots of things on the grass and the patio. We’re watching from upstairs and so far not impressed with Mummy’s knowledge of proceedings. We want part numbers and detailed descriptions of what will be going where, full working diagrams of all tools and a timetable of construction. She just says they know what they are doing and she should clean the bathroom. Mummy is clearly not foreman material.

Mummy made us take a break from our observations. To get dressed. Why? Just, why?

At lunchtime it started raining. A lot. They had to cover everything up and stop. It made the afternoon quite boring. It was even raining too much to go outside in our wellies.

Day two

The van came back again. This time there were three men. They’d brought even more things with them and started building walls. We didn’t think they could be trusted though. Everyone knows walls have windows in and these guys were just leaving holes. Mummy wouldn’t let us tell them they were doing it wrong. The rain will come in if they don’t put windows in and look how much it rained yesterday.

Day two and the weekend

For two whole days they haven’t been. It’s meant we could do some building of our own though. We’ve searched thoroughly for all the little offcuts and put them in the big bucket. It’s filled the bucket! Twice!

We’ve also found lots of screws. The senior foreman can count to 100, which is lots. Lots of shiny screws. Mummy put them “safe”, which basically means we can’t reach them.

All that rain meant lots of water in our strategically placed (Mummy terms it abandoned) buckets. We poured them all into the sand pit and divided the waters with land. She didn’t seem to get the right amount of enthusiasm for our re-enactment of the creation story. She muttered something about wet clothes.

Day three

We were taken to the germ factory. We missed EVERYTHING. Mummy couldn’t even report that the doors were now in place. The only positive thing about today is that we didn’t miss watching the doors and windows go in.

Day four

They didn’t come. We waited. We checked the time with Mummy a lot. She seemed to get quite frustrated by it all. We’re not sure if that was because the builders didn’t come or because she has something against telling the time. Five minute checks for the yellow van seemed about the right interval to us.

Day five

Nothing is happening. Well Mummy says this isn’t true but we can’t see anything. We keep checking. After making sure we have suitably sticky fingers to apply to the patio door.

She talks about paint. We could do that. Though she’s also saying they’re painting the walls, so she must have really lost it. No way would she be that calm about it all if they were really painting the walls.

Day six

They’ve got a new cutting machine today. The bits they’re cutting are smaller too. But we can’t see where they’re putting them which is most frustrating. Mummy says we can’t go outside. She says we’d get in the way and we’d hurt ourselves if we went near the new machine.

The new machine is green and makes a great noise every time they use it. It means we don’t miss anything either, because we can go in the living room and immediately hear if it’s worth going back to the patio door.

Day seven

Today they arrived while we were eating our lunch. Mummy said we shouldn’t be distracted from eating and that we could watch later. She has some crazy ideas. She keeps saying we don’t need to show them how to use a screwdriver too, but the toolboxes are calling to us. Yes, they have more than one! Mummy is keeping the back door locked and the the keys where we can’t reach them.

She’s not having it all her own way though. The Junior Foreman refused to consider the mere idea of a nap. Miss watching the windows go in? We’ve waited all week for this!

And now we have to go to bed and see the finished thing in the morning because the thing on the wall says bath time. It can’t be bath time because the builders haven’t had any tea. Everyone knows tea happens before bath time!

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